Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
