She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
