the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
