I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
