I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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