broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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