I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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