okay pat passed out under dana's car
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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