Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
