Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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