So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
