just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I love you.
Bad choice
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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