Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
