cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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