get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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