Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Mom said you looked used
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
