Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
