dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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