A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
