Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
