Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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