she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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