Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
