I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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