WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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