I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
