Who did Billy Mays play for?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
