community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
