He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
