your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This girl is more easily done than said...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You dont lie about slip and slides
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
