You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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