Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
