I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
