honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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