i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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