I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
