My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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