I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
