sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
