I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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