She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
