she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
