Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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