I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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