____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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