They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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