my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize