Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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