Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How's work?
Spinning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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