i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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