yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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