Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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