I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
