Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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