I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
