It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
