Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Please don't give away my fajitas
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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