I want to stick my p in your. b.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
