the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
