Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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