doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
