You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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