bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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