you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
