the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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