We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked a lego.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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