I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
