My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
